It's okay to ask why

"And though down here, I may not understand, I wont let go of the Unseen Hand For it holds the reasons why. The Lord has never been afraid of honest prayers And He won't allow the burden to be more than you can bear. When He knows that your trust is in Him He doesn't mind the questions now and then. Even if you wonder Why, Do the rainy days have to come, When the storm clouds hide the sun. I wanna know why Why When the reasons aren't clear to me When it all is a mystery I want to know why."


This is an old song I used to listen to when I was in middle school. It was always a comfort to me in the really hard times. Now, I feel it's an appropriate comfort. 
The past few days it seems like some really "bad" stuff has been happening. Not just in my life, but around the globe. The oil spill has been going on for a while. Lives are being lost. Not just lives but young lives. Infant lives. Lives that haven't even begun to be lived. Lives are coming to an end. But then other lives are being created and born. 
As Christians I think we fathom it as a sin to ever ask questions. 
We think if we question God, we are lacking faith. 
In reality it's the questions that make our faith stronger. 
God never promised life would be easy. He never said "I died for you now go live your harmonious life". He did say our burdens will never be too much for us to bear. Sometimes I have to wonder why I can't be weaker because then my burden would be less. But if I were weaker the burden would sometimes still feel like too much. 
Life sometimes just sucks. I've been saying that a lot lately. Things have just sucked. And I've felt bad for being in a crummy mood. I've felt bad for feeling like life has been hard. But what's been going on in my life is hard to me. It may not be an oil spill, or death, but it still hurts my heart. And it's still okay to ask why. 
It's okay to take things and process them. Processing may require the questions and the tears and the anger and the hurt. But then...God stands waiting with arms wide open. 
For the past 12 days God has been standing arms wide open for me. And it took me until today to really say "Okay God, here I am. Hold me". It took until today for me to really allow healing to begin. 
Healing has begun. My questions have been asked and now some have been answered. Some haven't and probably won't be. But God is holding me tight. He loves me. He has wiped away the tears and He has said "be still my child". 
Life is good. Even when it hurts. Things suck sometimes. Situations really suck sometimes. But it's TRULY OKAY to ask why. 

Faith to Believe...

"Give me all the love and peace To end these wars. Give me something sacred, Something worth fighting for.
It's clear enough to me, The ugliness I see, Is evidence of who I need.
Give me an answer Give me the way out Give me the faith To believe in these hard times"

I've been home now for a week and a half...and I can't help but smile and praise my Father. Sure, things have been really hard. There have still been shed tears. I still have questions as to what God is doing in my life...but in the midst of the tears and the questions there is a calmness that has over taken my soul. 

I am so excited to see how God is going to continue to work. 

Wednesday morning I woke up and drove to Greenville where I had breakfast with two very important people in my life. The two women's ministry assistants of our Campus Ministry. One of them is moving back to her home in Indiana in a couple of weeks, and then to serve our Father in Africa indefinitely starting in March. When I left a month ago I saw her and cried because in my head it was the last time I would see her for a really long time. Now, I rejoice because not only did I get to see her but I got to receive a super huge hug that she'd been waiting to give me for a couple of weeks now =). It was wonderful to sit over coffee and talk with her and the other women's minister as we spoke of the Lord's will in all of this situation. 

We talked about what God has been doing in their lives, and how He taught them while in Dearbourn, MI last week. We talked of what I'm learning in the current circumstances...and we prayed together as sisters. It was a moment of unity, and a moment of peace. 

From there I drove to Myrtle Beach where I spent time with the Summershiners there. It was great to spend time with them, and see how God is moving on that campground. I prayed before I left that it was a good decision to go. I believe part of me really just wanted to get away, and the other part heard God say it's okay. But God also knew that in the midst of the fun my heart would hurt because I am done with Summershine for the summer. 

In the midst of my heart hurting I was able to have a conversation with one of the Myrtle Beach Summershiners that was really encouraging and very helpful to the current situation. God was able to use someone I don't know very well to show me that HE can and will work in all things. All things work together for the glory of God. He was able to show me that even strangers deal with the same situations. The summershiner I spoke with was able to learn compassion for a family member because of a similar situation. 

Things are working together. God is doing great things. In the midst of heartache, there is healing. It may seem as though life is getting in the way, but God never has obstacles. 

I have had very encouraging conversations. I have had struggles because of other conversations. But my heart has been open to God's voice. My ears are listening...and I'm ready for the healing to begin...no matter how much it may hurt for the callouses to be open. 

So I ask my readers (whoever you may be) to be in prayer. 

That is all =) 

God Said No

For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philipians 4:11-13


A week ago today I was eating lunch and preparing to go to work at the Coffee Shop. Today I am sitting in Rocky Mount praising God for life, for grace, and for His love. 
Last Tuesday I was told that I would be going home on Wednesday morning. 
I will not go into detail because honestly, details are not necessary. 
The desire of my heart was to serve the LORD in South Dakota, but God had other plans. My desires did not line up with what He desired for me. His desire for me right now is to be home growing in his love. 
I had the best 3 1/2 weeks of my life in Hill City, SD with the greatest staff in the world. They are my family and they are still my staff even if I am back across the country from them. Things did not go as planned. My vision there got clouded and my purpose there may have been right but God knew what I needed. Right now His purpose for me is to be in Rocky Mount. 
I had a really hard time with that. But I am now comforted by his peace. 

Thursday after travelling all day Wednesday I headed to Myrtle Beach to finish off vacation with my family. On the way to the beach I pulled off an exit in Lumberton to get food and I T-boned a guy trying to beat me on a left turn as I was going straight. I totaled my Moms car. But I am okay. I may be really sore and bruised but I have a God who was watching out for me. As often as I say it I will say it again...it is what it is. 
I am excited to grow in my faith with my Father. I am excited to see how He wraps His arms around me and teaches me what it is I need to know. 
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. He has a purpose in every circumstance. He had a purpose for me being in South Dakota for 3 1/2 weeks where I formed relationships that will last a life time. One person is now as close as my best friend...and I love her and am grateful for how God used her in my life while in SD and will continue our friendship when she returns from SD. We celebrated our birthdays together in SD and that was my last night there. It was the best night of my life. 

I love my Lord and I have no hard feelings towards anyone. Things happen. Life goes on. God is constant. 

Crazy hair, skit shows, and putz n glo...

Make for crazy times at the Mt. Rushmore KOA. It has truly been a crazy, amazing, God filled week. We have had our extreme lows...and our extreme highs....We have been humbled and broken, and God has shown through.

I've been here 3 weeks tomorrow and sometimes it truly feels longer. Not because I'm not enjoying myself, but because I feel like I've known my staff forever. We have had some very entertaining evenings, some very hard evenings, but all God filled.

Recently God really had to break my pride and bring me to humility. It took me truly spilling out my heart and being honest with my entire staff for me to feel close to them. I had to let go of what was holding me back and press on. I had to be vulnerable and allow my staff to see the rawness of my heart in order to allow my heart to heal. And God is indeed bringing healing.

I absolutely love my staff. I feel as though the unity that may not have been there a week and a half ago is definitely there now. We are brothers and sisters and we are called to be there for each other.

Work is still wonderful. I absolutely love working in a coffee shop where I meet so many amazing people. There are busy moments. There are slow moments. But each moment is a God moment =). This week I met a family originally from Texas. They are strong Christians and they have amazing stories. They stood in the coffee shop for about an hour talking with me a few days ago. They have great God stories. Their 8 year old son is being baptized in a few weeks after choosing to allow Jesus in his heart on his own...and the father was just on life support in April and is now out camping and going back to work next Month.

They brought tears to my eyes with their stories of their faith and God's work.

Truly God is working among us and on this campground and I can't wait to see what He continues to do within the next 8 weeks. We had staff night Thursday night and went to Putz in Glo which is a glow in the dark putt putt place in Rapid City. Tomorrow night is another girls night and I'm excited to see what God does. Thursday our last staff member will get here and we will finally have all 10 of our staff.

God is real. He loves us. He wants nothing more than for us to draw near to Him. I learned that in reading this week. Joel chapter 2 talks about the people crying out to God in prayer and in fasting and truly opening themselves up to Him. It's a clear reminder of how God does not allow His children to hurt. If we truly come before the LORD in complete humility and ask Him for healing and grace...He WILL provide! He is providing and will continue...because He is God and I'm only human =)

Til next time...

And the roof came crashing in...

It has literally been quite an interesting week. God has been trying to teach me a lot, and unfortunately I have been ignoring Him. Yesterday made two weeks since I've been here and I've already experienced so many emotions. Thankfully I have an amazing Assistant AD who has reminded me quite a bit of God's purpose here.

Side walk Prophets has a song called "The Words I would Say" and I have the chorus on a note card from Kathryn.

"Be strong in the Lord and,Never give up hope,You're going to do great things,I already know,God's got His hand on you so,Don't live life in fear,Forgive and forget,But don't forget why you're here,Take your time and pray,These are the words I would say"

This songs meaning finally hit me yesterday. One, God has me here for a great purpose. He has our entire staff here for a great purpose and even if we are not seeing it right now He will reveal it in His timing. Two, I realize Kathryn meant this when she handed me the note card with this on it.  She wants me to truly understand God's purpose for me here.

Work has been interesting. I meet a lot of really interesting people. And the roof...really did come crashing in. I was closing up work a few nights ago and I went into the closet to get the mop and the ceiling (including the light) came crashing down on me. I was fine and I'm thankful but for some reason I had a revelation of the week. Everything felt like it was crashing down. Things have been going on that have been really difficult at some points, but I've come out unscathed for the most part. God's got me and I'm alright.
Yesterday we had a Marshmallow capture the flag game. It was quite interesting to say the least. We have had 1 staff night...girls nights...and it's been fun. Last nights girls night was really great. We did a prayer walk around the campground. Literally, all the way around the campground. It was amazing and beautiful.
God does have His hand on all of us. He's working. And we will do great things. =)

First day of work down...and God is GREAT

Yesterday was my first official day of work at the coffee shop. Honestly I started yesterday in the best mood! I woke up with a smile on my face, I was perky all day, and God was working in my heart.
Instead of being down about things not necessarily going the way I wanted them to I realized I can be joyous in what God has given me. And He's given me great opportunities.
The coffee shop is amazing...and it has given me already great opportunities to share with the people on the campground why I am so happy and why I am here all the way from NC.
I absolutely love the coffee shop. It is so much fun, but it's definitely exhausting. I ended yesterday with my feet and my back killing me but still with a smile on my face. I seriously met so many amazing people just in the coffee shop. Some from Germany, some from Canada, some from Austria. The guy from Austria lived a year in Durham which made me really happy and it started up a conversation.
This morning we had our first chapel service. It was really random but really good. We had a great turnout and Mike did a great job with the sermon on Worship.
Now it's day number two of work...for now I will relax and worship Jesus some with music...and then I'm off to my 8 hour shift. Ibuprofin will be taken. =)

God still reigns...

Man o man where to begin with the last few days? Well first off...we went to Mt. Rushmore the other evening. It was absolutely beautiful but it wasn't what I expected (which lately I'm learning more and more about expectationless expectations). It's pretty awesome but honestly I am more in love with the God-made scenery. Our staff (minus Millie and Jordan who aren't here yet) got the opportunity to see what not many people get to see in person...

Honestly after seeing Mt. Rushmore though I was still clearly reminded of how big our God is. He may not have put a rock with four presidents heads in the middle of South Dakota, but he put that mountain there for those heads to be carved into. And HE gave the people who carved Mt. Rushmore the talents and the ability to do that. How awesome is that? Every day is a continuous reminder of how absolutely amazing our God truly is.
After Mt. Rushmore we came back to our dorms (which by the way are pretty nice all things considering, and we get to wake up to a view only God could create). Wednesday we had orientation. We watched a video on how to make it GREAT! Haha. And then we had lunch at the restraunt on the camp ground. The lunch was awesome...very like an Applebees and it was free which makes it way better. We then went and did micro trash clean up on the campground and then we were done!

Yesterday was really fun. We worked 9:00-1:00 cleaning and learning the area that the summershiners work. Our main task was the clean the jumping pillow. That was a job in itself! It took us pretty much the whole time. We got pretty burnt also. Let me make all you east coast people aware that it's NOT COLD here like you thought!! We are at a high elevation (closer to the sun) o and todays forecast...currently at 1:40 PM is...

Yep 82 degrees. And it's hot. Here's just an image of what we did yesterday.

God is definitely teaching. I will not be doing the normal South Dakota Summershine job. Due to lack of staff and myself being over 21 I will be working in the coffee/wine shop. I was really disappointed and it has taken some time for me to really get used to the idea, but I realize God has a plan. I may not be interacting with the kids while I'm working on the clock, but I will later on...and I will interact with their parents who will be taking their kids to the activities we summershiners do. Kids can only remember things for a little bit but I get to meet their parents and tell their parents about what's going on. They will remember a lot more. I'm sure there's other reasons for me working there and if I do not realize those reasons until the end of the summer it will still be okay. God reigns. God is bigger and greater.

This morning I went to my training for the coffee shop and now I am off the rest of the day. We are going to wal-mart tonight and tomorrow starts the weekend activities! And my first day as a coffee barista!