Is God simply a convenience?

So the past few days I've done a lot of thinking. I was really having a hard time with some things...and just feeling like crap...feeling like sometimes people are only friends with me when it's convenient.

But this morning as I was doing my quiet time I was praying and I was writing in my journal...and I realized it had been over a week since I'd done my quiet time. And as I was apologizing to God for not spending time with Him, something popped into my head--I spend time with God when it's convenient for me.

It's like God is trying to teach me something....the way I feel sometimes about my friends....is the way He feels all the time with us. A lot of the time I do only make God a convenience. I pray when I have time. I read when it's good for me. And as much as I get my feelings hurt for feeling like a convenience....God is hurt by us also.

It's just cool sometimes how God can show us things when we're being so self-centered. I was being selfish and It was all about "me me me"--but God said "wait a minute....it's really about me! The CREATOR of YOU"

And to add on to all of this...today in my Beth Moore study it talked about God's timing being perfect....And indeed...God's timing IS perfect.

A childs love is unconditional....so it seems

I love my nephew. Honestly....I do. He is my buddy. I don't say that because I am related to him, or because I'm supposed to love him....I say it because he's 2 years old and yet he understands the concept of what love is. Kind of. I wish I could be there more often to play with him and spend time with him because I'm realizing how fast kids grow up. It seems like just yesterday my nephew was learning to crawl...now it's like everytime I come home he's added another word to the length of his sentences and his conversation. It amazes me how much he picks up and how SMART he is. His memory is exceptional. Then my two nieces are 6 and 7 months old which is INSANE. I mean....they were just new borns and now....they're sitting up and smiling and playing with toys and it is CRAZY to me. Being in college kind of sucks when it comes to moments where I can see my nieces and nephew grow up.

Today though....my nephew came over and he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug I've ever had....then he saw that I was getting ready to go somewhere so he said "where ya goin britt?" and I told him Greenville and he said "I want to go to Greenville too"....and when I told him he couldn't this time he said, "but britt I want to go with you"....O my goodness how much that broke my heart. I would have brought him with me in a heartbeat if I didn't have to babysit other kids....He's almost 3 years old and I love him dearly. He's someone who I know loves me...because I am his aunt...but because he just loves me. He doesn't have to have a reason. I don't have to prove anything to him. He loves me because he just does.

I wish life really were that simple...and love really were that easy as we got older.

2 years...yet the memory still lingers

Two years ago today speed killed one of the sweetest, genuine guys at Nash Central High School. It's still hard to fathom. Still hard to grasp. Has it really been 2 years? My prayer today is that Sean's family has only grown stronger.....R.I.P Sean Daniel Frazier

To meditate...to learn....to serve

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. [Psalm 145:5-7]

Right now I'm doing the Beth Moore 90 day study through the life of Christ. I absolutely love it. I'm learning about our amazing savior from the time of his conception....to the resurrection. I'm amazed by how much our God loves us, that He's willing to come to earth in human form in order for us to live. Why in the world would anyone do that? Only out of amazing love under grace =)

The end of today's study had Psalm 145:5-7 written as a prayer...that we learn what God has done for us and that we never fail to meditate on His word....This excites me. Last weekend CCF went on our winter retreat and we had an amazing speaker, Dave Embree, who spoke on being a servant. It's like God is constantly reminding me lately to be a servant. To work for Him. To love Him. To be who He has created me to be. But before I can ever be who God has created me to be....before I can serve with a whole heart completely surrendered to God...I have to really get in the word....and learn.

Our women's ministry assistant likes to refer to "spiritual anorexia" a lot. God refers to His word as our nourishment. As our food. In life, we must eat in order to be well nourished and in order to go on day to day. If not we become anorexic...and eventually we die. This is how our life with Christ is. We become Christians....but we can not grow unless we continuously spend time in the word. I long for the craving of God's word like a new born baby craves milk. I want to constantly long for God's word in my life. I never want to forget what God has done for me...Where He's brought me from....Why I am here.

So I'm grateful for God coming to earth in the form of Man. I'm so blessed, as we all are, that I am saved by grace. I'm SO EXCITED that I'm studying right now the life of Christ--so I can learn what my Heavenly Father REALLY did for me. I want to be so intimately close with God that when I miss one day with Him I hurt.

As I am preparing to go to Arizona...I really need to be spending time in the word. Sometimes, I turn my computer into my idol and I forget to read my Bible...or I push it off and I say I'll read later....and I continue to push off reading until I don't read at all that day. Oh my goodness how much that must hurt God. I know how much I'm hurt when I'm pushed to the side by a friend--but God....the God of the universe....GOD loves me enough to send His only son for me to live and I can't give Him the time of day sometimes. Wow. Yet He still forgives me and still loves me. Man I don't deserve that at all. So...I really yearn right now to grow spiritually so that I'm prepared to serve...in Arizona...in NC...in this World. I want to live my life out daily so that people can see Christ in me.

So I know this seems a lot like a rant or rambling...but it's an overflow of the heart that my God reigns...and loves me. May I never cease to meditate on His word.

"You have God in the measure you desire Him..."

New to the idea of "blogging" if you will...and I will

So I'm not a fan of "blogging"--I'm quite private. But I figured sometimes thoughts are meant to be known....in order to strike question, or conversation, or just so people might understand a person a little better. So here's to my first blog.

So within CCF we've just started a new thing called "2:42" groups. It's based on Acts 2:42--"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer"--We just started this week. There's several groups that meet throughout the week with about 7 or 8 people in each group. Our goal is to teach, fellowship, eat some ;), and to focus a lot on prayer. We want to keep each other accountable to the things God is doing in our lives...to build each other up in prayer and in fellowship....to enjoy each others company...and hopefully multiply beyond our groups into new groups. To bring people in....and serve the way God has called us to serve.

At first I was really apprehensive about the whole idea of the "2:42" groups--but after my first meeting tonight...I'm extremely excited. The group I'm in has a very diverse group of girls. Some are quiet, a few are shy, and a couple are really outgoing. Each of us has our own story--our own walk of life--and I'm excited to see how God is going to use each one of us to build each other up and further His kingdom.

I'm also excited to just see how God is working in my own life. God is completely moving. Part of CCF, including myself, is going to Globe, Arizona in two weeks to serve on the San Carlos Apache Reservation. We'll be working with Arizona Reservation Ministries and I'm so excited. This will be my second time going and God has certainly worked in my life enough to show me that I'm more ready this year than I was last year. Support has just flooded in for me to go...and my heart is drawn towards those kids on the reservation. I can't wait to see how God works through each of us--and in each child and their families--I can't wait to see how God changes the lives of the students in CCF--and breaks our hearts for the lost. Last night we had a group called "The Traveling Team" come and speak to us about missions and what it means to be a world Christian. They talked to us about being a missionary and going and doing what God has commanded us to do--I know that God has a great plan for all of us. I continue to wonder what I'm doing this summer....I feel like God has been tugging at my heart for the past year to really work for Him this summer and so my prayer is that something will come along that I can serve Him completely the way He has called. I have no idea what that entails--but whereever God calls...I will go

Okay so I didn't expect to write this much in one blog but when God moves, He moves ;)

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"~Matthew 28:19