Who knew?

...Cleaning out and organizing one's closet can help with the "Letting Go" process.

Today I decided to take part of my Friday to clean and organize my room. My closet definitely needed to be cleaned out, so I could ADD more to it! I've lived in this apartment for two years...so my closet held two years of memories.
As I cleaned, a LOT of those memories came flooding back to me...some good, some not so great. Tears came to my eyes...and I decided to "trash" a lot of stuff. Holding on to the stuff wasn't going to keep the memories there. I will always remember things in my life...throwing "stuff" away isn't going to erase those memories...but in a way I think it is a part of my "letting go" and "moving on" process.
To start, I've been trying hard to let go of Summershine. That might seem weird...As I've been trying to figure out what my summer will look like this summer, I've contemplated where God might have me...and Summershine kept flashing into my mind. Should I do it? Is it over for me? Would I even be able to do it? And as I've contemplated and prayed over this I've had other people speak their own opinions and wisdom into my life, without me really even asking for it, and they gave me the answers I needed. Summershine is a chapter in my life that needs to be closed. Two years ago I had an amazing summer in Williamsburg, VA...this past summer wasn't that great, but it was a chapter in my life and that chapter should end.
So today, as I cleaned out my closet, I came across my KOA shirts and my papers from my first Summershine orientation, and my stuff from this past summer...Magazines from my first summer, a water bottle (that grossly enough still had water in it from my summer two years ago)...and a few other little items...and as I said goodbye Summershine, I said goodbye to these items. I let go.
I also came across other items I've been holding on to...from school, etc...and I threw those things away as well. I can't tell you how many times I had to go to the dumpster today to carry stuff to the trash...it wasn't all KOA stuff, it was stuff that held on to some painful memories...stuff that was enjoyable but pointless also...and as all this stuff went into the dumpster I saw my closet clear out and I felt my heart lighten a little.
Whether I realized it or not, those "things" I was holding on to that I never even looked at still held a burden on my heart.
Throwing them away was good. The memories, like I said, will always stay, but the stuff is gone. I'm letting go. It's a freeing thing :).
Who knew some freedom could come from cleaning?

I don't want to let go

I haven't blogged since the beginning of the new year...
A little update:
My Granddaddy had his surgery last Monday and is doing wonderfully. They took out his gallbladder, and the mass was actually a mass of fatty tissue. No kidney problems praise the Lord! He has 22 staples, and is supposed to go back to the Dr this week sometime to have those taken out.
Classes so far are going well. I have 1 on Monday and Wednesday and 1 on Tuesday/Thursday and then 2 online. I actually have 5 classes but Monday/Wednesday is a combined class and practicum.
We got back to school and I, along with a couple other friends, threw my dear friend Josh Pake a going away party. He is such a great guy who has done so much for CCF, and he deserves to know He is appreciated. One thing Josh absolutely loves is his ukulele...so, my friend Ryann and I made him a Ukulele cake for his surprise party =)

 The cake was a Devils food cake with vanilla icing. The Ukulele is chocolate frosting as the outline, and a mint fudge oreo cookie as the "hole" in the ukulele...the strings are Twizzlers, and the color of the Ukulele is crushed up butterfinger. I was pretty impressed with our work!

The night of the surprise party Ryann, Wes, and I had Josh meet us for dinner. I took Josh's cake and a picture book over to a friends house, and then about 20 people went to the campus house before us. They all filled out cards to put in his picture book, and after              dinner we told Josh we wanted to go play the Wii at the Campus House. We got there and the lights were off and the door was locked, and much to Josh's surprise when Josh unlocked the door there were about 20 people there shouting surprise :). It truly was great, and I know Josh felt appreciated.

As far as the rest of life goes, God is definitely teaching me to let go of some things. My pride is getting in my way. I want to hold on for dear life to everything I want control over, and he's saying "No my child, let me have it". School, relationships, health...everything. It is hard. He's breaking my pride, and making this stubborn child of His fall to her knees. 

I'm excited to see how this semester goes. I'm excited to see where God leads, and to hear how He speaks, regardless of if I want to let go of anything. 

I'm giving in to something Heavenly

I have never been a fan of New Years eve, or day. To me it's just another day. But it's a day full of resolutions that quickly go down the drain.
Which is why this year, I chose not to make resolutions. I chose to make commitments to my Savior. I chose to make life-change.
2010 was one of the hardest years of my life. Full of a lot of disappointment, but also a lot of reconciliation.
I never get emotional with a new year. Like I said, to me it's just another day...but this New Years Eve, as the clock struck 12 and I sat in a church building listening to people lift up praises to our King, tears started to flow down my face. Not sad tears. Not disappointed tears. Relieved, happy, joyful tears.
I know I was exhausted so that probably had a lot to do with the emotion as well, but I felt relieved to start a new year. I felt relieved to think about all God brought me through in 2010...because He brought me through a lot, and taught me a lot, and He saved me from a lot.
2010 brought sadness, heartache, stress, anger, but it also brought new friendships, redemption, happiness, joy, smiles...it brought every emotion.
I know 2011 won't be perfect. I know there will still be some heartache. I know God will bring me through more...and that's exactly what makes me excited. To know that I can go through things with God.
I am excited to see the new me God is molding. I'm excited to have more accountability time with a close friend and see how God teaches the both of us in the coming months. I am excited to give over my life to God and allow Him FULL control. I'm not going to hold back. Insecurities have flooded me, and insecurities will leave...because God's got me =)
He painted me a picture in Norfolk on New Years eve, to remind me of His glory.

Happy New Year =)