Tell the WORLD that Jesus Lives!!

"And all I want in this lifetime is You 
And all I want in this whole world is you, is you

Tell the world that Jesus lives 
Tell the world that, tell the world that 
Tell the world that he died for them 
Tell the world that he lives again 

No longer I but Christ in me 
Cause it's the truth that set me free 
How could this world be a better place? 
But by thy mercy, by thy grace "

I just returned from my fifth, yes FIFTH, fall retreat with CCF. Man what a time it was. This song was one of the songs we sang quite a few times, and it was the last song we sang yesterday morning. 

Oh how challenging it's words are. It's such a fun song. So energetic. Yet so true. The thing about it is that we are called to tell the WORLD that Jesus lives. This beautiful redeeming truth is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. And God has called us to tell the WORLD about Him!

This weekend Greg Swinney spoke to us. He's from Nebraska and is a wonderful man of God. He has a heart that is evident for the Nations. He does things I only pray I could have the opportunities to do. He hosts dinners in his home for international students. He knows so many ways to say hello in so many languages. I know how to say hello in two. He can ask questions in so many languages. I can in two. 

Two languages out of SO MANY in the world. 

Through this semester already God has placed a new friend in my life who was a student at Campbell and is now a Grad-student here at ECU. She and I have a lot of people in common, but also have a lot of traits in common. She is a woman who loves the Lord and she has already given me many great challenges in how I live my life out for God. One of those is giving prayerful consideration to where I will be this summer. 

I'm almost certain Summershine is not my calling this summer. I say almost because God has a way of changing plans. 

After this weekend I do feel that God is calling me outside of these American boarders for the summer, and through prayer already I feel God confirming parts of this desire. 

I don't really know what that means for me. I don't know where He has me or what I will be doing but there's a call on my heart to go and share His word. 

I have this knowledge and this eternal destiny and I need to make it known to others so they too can live in eternity with our Father.

Be Merciful Just as your Father is Merciful

As I had coffee with my best friend this morning I asked Him to show me something to take away the bitterness. I sighed and opened my Bible to Luke 6 where I left off yesterday, and I got to the part about loving your enemies.
Cool, I suppose. We should love our enemies. A lot of the time we don't, and so I kept reading.
It got to the part about how we love those who love us because it's easy. Even the 'sinners' do that...and then it got down to the loving your enemies again.
*Ding Ding Ding*...Why thank you Jesus, that IS the verse I needed to read today! I literally have gotten to a point of almost hating ECU with every fiber in my body. I have been EXPECTING them to give be something because THEY screwed up. Well, yes, they did. And partly so did I by not passing my class the first time. And partly If I cared enough maybe I would have kept asking if my grade was replaced two years ago. And maybe I am still upset with them, but I am here regardless. And I need to show mercy the way my father shows me mercy. I am a dirty sinner who is trying to prepare for the wedding day with her Lord. He keeps cleansing me when I don't deserve it. He loves me beyond words...so maybe I SHOULD give ECU a little more credit than they 'deserve'.

Lord I'm AMAZED by you

You dance over me 
While I am unaware
You sing all around 
But I never hear a sound.

Lord, I'm amazed by You!
Lord, I'm amazed by You!
Lord, I'm amazed by You, 
how You love me!

How wide, 
How deep, 
How great is Your love for me!


I keep hearing this song. I have it on my iPOD and I always have my iPOD on shuffle, but yesterday it played more than once while my iPOD was on shuffle, and today it just played on Pandora. 
It seems to be a simple reminder of God and His love for me. How He's always there, even when I don't notice. He dances over me, sings around me, and I don't hear Him. 
I'm AMAZED by my God's love for me, even when I choose to be grumpy and ill. 
This weekend after finding out everything with school I pretty much stayed in a pretty ill mood. I did enjoy time with my family. I enjoyed going to homecoming at church, and I always enjoy seeing my nieces and nephew, but I was still pretty bitter. I have been emotionally exhausted since Thursday. 
It took everything in me to come back to Greenville this week because I'm so mad at ECU and so sick of being in school. 
I'm still in a very drained, almost apathetic state. I don't want to be at school and part of me is having a hard time caring about school anymore. I feel like all my effort is gone. 
But then I remember how GREAT my Father's love for me. I remember how He knows ALL things and how even before Thursday when I got that email He knew that I was going to get that email. He knew five years ago that I wouldn't finish school in four years. He KNEW that I'd have this struggle, and yet I still get ill. 
Because I want to know why. I want God to tell me WHY He has me in school this long and why I have to feel like a failure. 
But I'm not a failure. I'm God's. And that makes me someone who Succeeds because I have Jesus. And I can't know all the answers. This isn't the worst thing that could happen to me. This probably isn't the worst thing that WILL happen to me. I've seen worse in my life. But I'm drained. 
Please pray for strength. And for a desire to finish school. Pray for me to remember why I'm here. Pray that I will be HAPPY to be here because God has a reason for it. Pray for my heart to feel joy even when I'm frustrated. 

People are human...but God will never fail

Today I found out something that upset me way more than I thought it would. It upset me more than maybe it even SHOULD have. But regardless it upset me...and is still upsetting me, and I don't know how to really take it or handle it.
Part of me is so bitter. Part of me is feeling screwed over. Where I should be happy, and excited even, I'm disappointed and upset.
My advisor emailed me today asking me why I had never grade replaced my Algebra grade from two years ago. My sophomore year of college I took Algebra and I failed it so my Junior year I took it again and passed with a much better grade. At ECU you are given four grade replacements. Basically, one per year, for any 1000 or 2000 level class. I took Algebra over and turned in my grade-replacement sheet. Thus, registrar SHOULD have replaced my failing grade with my much better grade. However, they did not. Two years later, I find this out.
Most of you know that for the past two years I have been fighting hard to get my GPA where it needs to be to get into Upper Division and to graduate. It has been a battle. I have been blaming myself for not doing well, blaming myself for not trying hard enough because my GPA just wasn't adding up.
Why wasn't my GPA adding up? Because I still had an F on my record. When my advisor emailed me today she then told me she had called registrar and had that done for me. My GPA is now not only where it was supposed to be, but HIGHER than what it was supposed to be. Higher to the point that I could have interviewed and been in upper division maybe even last year. Like...started my Senior 1 last semester and be graduating this semester.
Instead...I missed the August Upper Division Interview, and will not start Senior 1 until next semester after the October interview, and won't start my Internship until next Fall putting me at ECU for two more semesters than necessary.
Am I frustrated?
Very.
Did I cry?
A lot.
Do I blame ECU?
YES.
Should I forgive them?
Yes...
The anger, and the resentment, and the frustration, and the unfair feeling I've had...will go away. Has already started to go away...and I know that God has me at ECU and will use me in some amazing ways.
It's just that I have fought this feeling of embarrassment of even having to be here this long. Fighting the questions of why I'm still here. And all I can say is God has me here...but there's still a jealousy of people who have graduated. That will graduate before me. I still feel like I worked too hard in my life to still be trying to get my Undergrad degree.
So blog readers, I guess I ask for your prayers? I need to find a contentment in this situation. I need to find a peace with it all. And I need to accept that this is where I am despite errors. Because people are human. People will fail me. Have failed me. Will continue to fail me. But God never has and never will.

I ALMOST FORGOT

While updating I forgot to add that THIS BEAUTY turned 3:

And I finally got my date with her =) 

She went from THIS

 to THIS

My how time flies =)

Update Update Update

I'll try to make this as short as possible, but understand that it has been over a month since I last blogged and a lot has happened since then.
So where to begin? I guess where I last left. The National Student Conference was absolutely amazing. Our theme for the week was "Apprentice" and it was on being true disciples of Christ. My most memorable evening was when the speaker asked us to "wrestle" in a spiritual sense with each other. I feel as though our group handled this in a very mature, and helpful way. We basically used constructive criticism to either point out things that may be preventing us from being the best disciple we could be, or things that we COULD be using that we weren't. It was really great and helpful. We had a diverse group of people go, and if we didn't know each other well enough, we knew not to say anything.

Not only was this trip awesome in the spiritual sense, but Jaime Sandlin also met up with us and came home with us! It was wonderful to talk with her, and catch up, and express to her things that God had laid on my heart. She's a beautiful friend who I am so so blessed to know.
After our lovely trip to Indiana my fifth year of school began :). I'm not going to lie, it has been a battle for me to accept that I am in my fifth year and still not even graduating this year. But God has me here and that is how it is. I am taking sixteen hours this semester, which truly isn't a huge load. CCF has begun and it is wonderful. I feel as though I'm back to being fully involved and I love it. I missed being a part of a fellowship near by. I spent a lot of time last year distancing myself from the group of people who meant a lot to me, and this year I want to commit to not only being a part, but investing as well.
The Friday that school started THIS guy also started HIS first day of school :

My PRECIOUS nephew started his first day of Kindergarten and I was there to see him get out of school. He is getting so big so fast. He's so smart...and I'm not biased ;). Really though I'm so proud of him. I've talked to him a few days since he's been in school and for the most part he's stayed on Green which makes me super proud. We have a deal that he has to have good report cards and me and him will have a special day :) I can't wait for that first one. It's just hard to believe he's gone from this

 To This

So He's started school, I've started my fifth year, and things are great. Life is great. I'm enjoying living life. Christ has become my best friend. And I mean that. I have learned how to truly pour my heart out to the LORD the way I would to any person on the earth. 

Last week Connie, CCF's women's ministry assistant, and I sat down to lunch and talked about what it means to be like Christ. What does it truly mean to be like Christ. Not just to follow Him, or to make wise decisions, but to make a conscious decision to think of how Christ would react to things in today's time. So we challenged each other to go into the gospels and ask ourselves how WE would act to those situations, and how we could bring those situations to today. I have started reading Luke and it has been an adventure :)

But before I get to that, I want to tell about this past Labor Day weekend. 

After spending a summer away from Summershine I was able to relive it a little bit by going to Williamsburg for Labor Day to help. I wasn't as excited about it as I thought I would be, but it was truly rewarding. I loved being able to visit with one of my greatest friends, as well as see the Fout Family and help them. It was hard being there and I can't say it wasn't a spiritual battle for me at times through the five days I was there, but it was worth going. I had a great time =)

Back to Luke. I am learning a lot from the book of Luke. It's amazing to see the reminders of Christ being fully Man yet Fully God. I'm amazed of the instances I'm reminded of of all the things that could have been tempting to Him, etc. Christ was man. He lived a life like we live. He was tempted. He had to resist temptation. Yes He was God. But He was inquisitive. He desired to know MORE about God. He prayed. It's been a reminder to me of the walk I should walk. To be like Christ, who was completely Human yet completely sinless. 

Yes Sin has entered the world and that's why Christ entered into it...but to STRIVE for that is what we should do daily. 

Life is good. God is Great. I'm in love with life, and my savior =)