A Christmas to Remember

It's been a crazy Christmas break...but this Christmas was absolutely a blessing.
Two weeks ago today my Granddaddy went to the emergency room with Gall Stones...They sent him home, but by that Wednesday he had a fever of 103, and wasn't getting better.
I came home that Wednesday from school thinking I was done with Greenville for a bit, but that Wednesday evening Granddaddy was admitted into the hospital with a mass on his kidney that they found with a CT scan that night. From Wednesday until this past Thursday I was going back and forth to Greenville.
The mass, they were saying, they thought was cancerous. That is not news anyone wants to hear, especially not right before Christmas.
My Mom became very stressed out, and my Grandma was a little more than helpless. She and my Granddaddy have been Married 58 years (the Tuesday before he went to the hospital was their anniversary) and in those 58 years the most major thing he's had was chopping his finger off about 15 years ago.
He's 78 years old and insanely healthy.
The entire time all of this was going on, I think I was insanely calm. I think my calmness made my family a bit uneasy. I was calm because I knew that worrying would add nothing to the situation except more stress. I know that our God is sovereign, and whatever would be would be.
I know that my Granddaddy has lived a life that will always be remembered by many, and that when God chooses for it to be my Granddaddy's last day my Granddaddy will be rejoicing with His savior with great rewards.
Test after test, night after night, we were simply praying for Granddaddy to be home for Christmas.
Thursday not only did he get to come home, but he came home with news that the mass is not cancerous.
Praise the Lord! We not only got an amazing gift of having him home with us, but knowing that he's cancer free.
He has to go back to the Eurologist this Thursday to figure out what they will do about the mass, and they also want to talk about taking his Gall Bladder out...but things looked up =) and continue to look up.
God is definitely Sovereign and real.
Christmas was amazing. Christmas morning was so much fun as we watched the little ones open their gifts. I really didn't ask for anything this Christmas so whatever I received was fun =)
It was a joyous day and a joyous evening remembering Christ's birth.
Christmas evening my Grandparents came over and Granddaddy read us the Christmas story. I couldn't stop smiling. It was a blessing to have my family together, rejoicing in the truth of my Savior. Whether my whole family believes, or not, I think this Christmas made them believe just a little more.

God is working in my life in some pretty amazing ways. I finished this semester on the Dean's list, which I don't think I deserved...and I'm home enjoying relaxation with books and knitting and rest.
Before coming home I was able to have a night with one of my closest friends. We watched movies and she stayed over and we talked a lot about current things...and I decided to make a change in my life. It seems I have always tried to plan my life, I have always tried to be in control. I have told God he has control but...I've always wanted to hold on a little bit. So the next year of my life (or more) is completely God as he completely purifies me, and makes me His. I want to give everything in my life, in my future, to Him.
And He's already doing a lot. He's teaching me so much...He's already pruning me and cleansing me and really making me see Him for who He is.
He's teaching me patience and He's teaching me what it means to allow Him control of EVERYTHING.
I pray that God teaches me every day something new.
Here's to the future...Here's to NOW...living in the moment with my Savior who is absolutely sovereign and absolutely real.
Merry Christmas all! And Happy New Year when it arrives =)

O and did I mention we woke up yesterday morning to 13 inches of snow?

Photoshoots as a blessing

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to take photos with my friend Lauren Wilson. We did a photoshoot for the beautiful Jessica Martin. Jessica said her Mom is always asking for new pictures of her, and she never has any good ones, so we I decided it would be fun to do a shoot--Jessica will be giving a few to her Mom for Christmas, and I thought I would post a few of my favorite ones

We had so much fun doing this photoshoot. Jessica I think really enjoyed herself, and I myself was truly in my happy element. 

I also captured some wonderful photos of fall in Greenville

Music continues to speak to my soul

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."
‎
"You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms"~Phil Wickham


I'm continuing to be reminded of God's love for me through the lyrics he gives his children the art to write. Thankful for my God, His love, and the reminder that HE will never let me go. He will never forsake me. He holds on to me. I am safe in His arms.
Satan can not take me away. Satan can not feed me these lies. I am in the arms of my savior. 
Pain may come. I may feel alone but I never am.


Thankful for my savior. 

My new worldly contentment...and a lot in between

As much as I would hate to say that I could find any contentment in this sinful world, because finding contentment here would mean losing need for my savior...I have found within the last few months something that brings great joy to my earthly needs. When I say that I mean...It has become a huge stress relief for me...

 Nick the Nikon! I really love pictures and five years ago when I started college I wish I would have known how much joy I find in capturing images, and editing them. I have discovered that the more I sit down in front of a computer editing the pictures I have taken, the more at peace I am. I find joy in seeing something and finding a really cool photo opportunity out of it. And everyone in my life pretty much knows that I am an obsessive picture taker. I like to capture memories on digital film...and would love even more to capture memories on regular film and learn how to work in a black room...maybe a new goal? =) Photo credits above go to Lauren Ward and her Canon Rebel =)

Now onto things in between. I guess my last blog was probably pretty depressing...and for that I apologize. This week was insanely busy to say the least. I had a paper due Wednesday that believe it or not I had not procrastinated on...since I got the paper I have been doing research, but I hadn't actually put it all together so Monday and Tuesday were spent putting all my research together, organizing it, and completing my paper before Wednesday morning. Needless to say it was a lot of time spent in front of a computer screen. 

I did, however, enjoy what I learned from my research. 

Needless to say, however, there have still been some major frustrations in my life that I'm really having to take to the Lord. He is the only one who can handle these things, and the big thing is how I react to them. Right now it's taking a lot of patience not to react. 

Ryann and I decided this week that we are going to work out at the gym, and hold each other accountable to a lot of things---we are now reading the bible together. We started James Wednesday and will start Hosea Monday. It's been a joy already to study the bible and talk with each other about the things the Lord's teaching us. 

Thursday I decided after spending the majority of the day not doing anything productive to go see one of my greatest friends and her husband in Raleigh. Suzanne. She is a wonderful person God placed into my life and I only wish I could be as wonderful back. She has a huge heart and she knows when I'm stressed...and it was well needed to spend some time with her. 

Last night we had a girls night with CCF and talked about the lies the Media seems to plant into our heads not just as women but as women of the Lord. It was a good night of fellowship and fun.

Today I was able to spend time with friends at Town Commons. Three people from CCF Wilmington came down and we had a picnic. It was fun. That also included Josh Pake, Rachel, Rebecca, and Lauren Ward. 

Now...I have procrastinated on a paper due Monday.

However...God is good...all the time...and all the time...God is good. 

Despite frustrations that are out of my hands...God is GREAT

Maybe God does know more than I do.

It's been an interesting week/weekend. A GREAT weekend...but interesting. I guess to start the week, I was miserably sick from about Saturday until Wednesdayish. I had a case of bronchitis and an aweful kidney infection. Let's just say mixing those two together causes a lot of exhaustion and tempermentleness (that's probably spelled wrong and probably isn't even a word, but I was moody). I had a midterm Tuesday and I was terrified that it was going to be aweful because I didn't feel prepared. One of my goals right now is to really do well in my classes because I do want to graduate and I would like to keep my GPA where it is, or higher. God was definitely in the midst of my midterm on Tuesday because I did study but I didn't feel well, and when I took my midterm it's like I knew everything. Thankfully =) and everyone in my class seemed to think it was a pretty easy midterm. So I suppose my professors midterm review was slightly more intimidating than her actualy test.
Thursday night I went to see an on campus movie with Ryann, and when we got out of the movie I was getting something out of my trunk and accidentally locked my keys in my trunk. My trunk lever in my car doesn't work, trying to pick my lock wasn't working, so we had no idea what to do. Then Josh Pake and Ryne ran into us and actually ended up at midnight Thursday night driving Ryann and I to Rocky Mount to get my spare key to my car. What an adventure. I now know to always have a spare key with me or in reach somehow.

Friday night Ryann, Wesley and I went to Raleigh for First Friday's downtown. It's a huge art exhibit and event that Raleigh puts on every first Friday. It was a lot of fun. We enjoyed walking around the exhibits, watchin fire dancers, and listening to the band. We then at 11:30 Friday evening went to PF Changs...if anyone knows me they know that is probably my favorite restraunt, and I now know it's also Ryann's favorite...it was Wesley's first experience, and I'd say it was a good first experience for him =).

When we got back to Greenville Wes, Ryann and I stayed up and watched "The office" and attempted to stay up to watch the sunrise, only to fall asleep at 5:30. Whoops. I got up at 9:30 and drove home.

After hanging out my weekend turned into a weekend of me and God. It was a really convicting time. I've been having a hard time and I guess didn't even realize it. I haven't spent time in the word. I have gone from really spending time with the Lord and enjoying coffee with my savior to not spending time with him at all. I've reverted back to looking to people for things...and struggling BADLY with wanting to turn to an old habit of mine. After spending time alone, I discovered even more the things I don't like about myself--and by discovering things I don't like about myself I have had a hard time with myself....really having a hard time of even being AROUND myself but...you can't really get AWAY from yourself...so I've been struggling badly.

I started to listen to music, still not really reading my bible. BUT the songs were songs I really needed to hear.

One of the songs is called "Desperate" by Fireflight and the chorus is ‎

"I know You hear me,Would You give me a sign? Reel me in before I've fallen in line.You've put me on a path I don't understand I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands.

You've got me desperate (do You see me?) Desperate (do You hear me?) Desperate (will You help me?) You've got me desperate."
These words were like how I feel RIGHT now...I feel like I KNOW God hears me. I know he knows my needs. I know he sees me but I feel like I'm not getting a response from him and I'm desperate for His response.
Then I heard "By My side" and "Love is here" which were words I desperately needed to be reminded of....God loves me. He's here for me. He IS here....Next to me....Holding me....LISTENING to me....
And currently I'm listening to Pandora and two more songs came on that I needed to hear. One being "Have you ever" by Shawn McDonald and the part that stuck out to me was
" Have you ever wanted to be someone else

Have you ever wanted just to be someone
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems
I have tasted of a love so wide"

...I guess these words stuck out to me because I am having a hard time once again with ME...my problems are pretty ME centered right now and I'm having a hard time where I am...


The last song was
"You know my name" by Detour180
Help me remember the reason I’m alive

And that I was on your mind the day you died
Help me imagine, this is not my home
And some day I’ll be resting by your side


Help me remember the day you won my heart
And you paid my way to freedom with your love
Help me imagine the beauty of this gift
A grace that I am so unworthy of
But you’ll never let me fall away from you


Chorus:


You know my name
You know my story
Still you’ve taken on the world
Just for me
I am amazed that you hear me speaking
You listen close to every word I say
Who am I to be loved this way?
You know my name


If I rise, if I fall
My only hope is this
That you’d be with me everyday
Who am I to be loved this way?




These lyrics were just a beautiful reminder of the love God has for me. He knows my name. I was on His mind the day he died for me. He listens intently to everything I say...and He does know more than I do and knows what is best for my life

Life's hard right now, I'm not going to lie. I'm in a valley--and it's a long one that I'd like to be finding a mountain soon.

God still loves me though.

Cha Cha Cha Changesss

Hmmm where to  begin?
Do I begin with....











or do I begin with....

Or do I begin with the fact that I'm staying in school until next May? Or that I'm praying so hard about going to North Africa this summer?
I guess I'll go in order =)
First of all the tattoo. I've wanted a new tattoo for a while. This one makes my 3rd and I do believe last. It says "Freedom" in Greek. elef̱thería-"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."~Galatians 5:1
I believe this summer was a testimony of the freedom that I received in Christ. I've been trying to talk myself OUT of getting this tattoo and I kept wanting it. So I finally did. It's on my wrist, so it's quite visible but I can also cover it quite easily. I'm in love with it because of the meaning it holds.
Secondly...the hair. Wow I got a lot cut off. A lot a lot. Haha. And I got it because I, as I do every year, got tired of my long hair. It's shorter than I wanted, but It's growing on me (not literally haha). So there's another change.
Hmmm for the school one. I met with an advisor after my Upper Division interview last Monday and after talking with her about options, crying in front of her out of frustration, I finally came to a conclusion that I shouldn't stress myself out trying to finish just because I WANT to finish. I already passed my deadline for myself, so why stress out? There are two classes I haven't taken yet, and I need to take them, but I would have to petition to take them together. Well they are not recommended to be taken together unless your GPA is about .5 higher than what mine is....meaning if you don't do well in one of the two classes your GPA will still be okay for Upper Division. As much as I'd like to have faith in myself that that wouldn't happen, I truly don't want to take the risk of taking those two classes together and having to go through the whole Upper Division process again. SOOOO I am indeed in school for another 3 semesters besides this one. I will do my Upper Division classes next semester, start my senior one in the fall of 2011 and graduate in 2012...and I'm okay with that. I have two prospective roommates for next year. I have more opportunities to serve Christ on a college campus....and more opportunities to lead as well.
One opportunity given to me is going to North Africa this May for two weeks on a prayer journey. CCF has done it twice and I've never had an interest but just within the last few months God has placed a desire on my heart to go over seas. What makes this even more fun is that Kellar said it is imperative for us to have the blessing of our families to go. I got home last night for Fall Break, talked with my parents, and they give me their blessing. My Dad really is having a hard time with it, but has accepted that it's something I feel led to do. So I'm continuing to pray about this possibility for the summer...
Besides the summer however I know that God has me AT ECU for a purpose IN THE MOMENT meaning I need to not only pray about opportunities for the summer but also for opportunities DAILY while in school.
So this is where I am. A lot of changes have hapened not only in my life, to my body, etc but in my heart.
Changes are hard. Accepting that God has me at school until 2012 is hard. Accepting that my heart is changing for missions further than the American borders is very scary. But God is great and He's bigger and I adore my heavenly Father enough to know that He has greater plans than I have for myself.
So now, for my friends who follow my blog, who don't have facebook, I have attached pictures from fall retreat, etc.

First of all our fall retreat consisted of three wonderful ladies and their birthdays so we celebrated the Friday evening of.

My dear Campbell grad friend, and I, Rachel Flowers. 

Of course, Connie and I =) 

 My beautiful friend Jessica Martin, and I.

 Our wonderful group of ECU CCF students.

 All of our leaders and Greg Swinney before leaving from the retreat

 Rachel, Josh, and I at the Sanitary Fish Restaurant in Morehead City for the Seafood Festival. 

 And right before Fall Break, a wonderful night of pumpkin painting, pumpkin seed roasting, and Grey's Anatomy with Rachel and Ryann =)

Tell the WORLD that Jesus Lives!!

"And all I want in this lifetime is You 
And all I want in this whole world is you, is you

Tell the world that Jesus lives 
Tell the world that, tell the world that 
Tell the world that he died for them 
Tell the world that he lives again 

No longer I but Christ in me 
Cause it's the truth that set me free 
How could this world be a better place? 
But by thy mercy, by thy grace "

I just returned from my fifth, yes FIFTH, fall retreat with CCF. Man what a time it was. This song was one of the songs we sang quite a few times, and it was the last song we sang yesterday morning. 

Oh how challenging it's words are. It's such a fun song. So energetic. Yet so true. The thing about it is that we are called to tell the WORLD that Jesus lives. This beautiful redeeming truth is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. And God has called us to tell the WORLD about Him!

This weekend Greg Swinney spoke to us. He's from Nebraska and is a wonderful man of God. He has a heart that is evident for the Nations. He does things I only pray I could have the opportunities to do. He hosts dinners in his home for international students. He knows so many ways to say hello in so many languages. I know how to say hello in two. He can ask questions in so many languages. I can in two. 

Two languages out of SO MANY in the world. 

Through this semester already God has placed a new friend in my life who was a student at Campbell and is now a Grad-student here at ECU. She and I have a lot of people in common, but also have a lot of traits in common. She is a woman who loves the Lord and she has already given me many great challenges in how I live my life out for God. One of those is giving prayerful consideration to where I will be this summer. 

I'm almost certain Summershine is not my calling this summer. I say almost because God has a way of changing plans. 

After this weekend I do feel that God is calling me outside of these American boarders for the summer, and through prayer already I feel God confirming parts of this desire. 

I don't really know what that means for me. I don't know where He has me or what I will be doing but there's a call on my heart to go and share His word. 

I have this knowledge and this eternal destiny and I need to make it known to others so they too can live in eternity with our Father.