Today I found out something that upset me way more than I thought it would. It upset me more than maybe it even SHOULD have. But regardless it upset me...and is still upsetting me, and I don't know how to really take it or handle it.
Part of me is so bitter. Part of me is feeling screwed over. Where I should be happy, and excited even, I'm disappointed and upset.
My advisor emailed me today asking me why I had never grade replaced my Algebra grade from two years ago. My sophomore year of college I took Algebra and I failed it so my Junior year I took it again and passed with a much better grade. At ECU you are given four grade replacements. Basically, one per year, for any 1000 or 2000 level class. I took Algebra over and turned in my grade-replacement sheet. Thus, registrar SHOULD have replaced my failing grade with my much better grade. However, they did not. Two years later, I find this out.
Most of you know that for the past two years I have been fighting hard to get my GPA where it needs to be to get into Upper Division and to graduate. It has been a battle. I have been blaming myself for not doing well, blaming myself for not trying hard enough because my GPA just wasn't adding up.
Why wasn't my GPA adding up? Because I still had an F on my record. When my advisor emailed me today she then told me she had called registrar and had that done for me. My GPA is now not only where it was supposed to be, but HIGHER than what it was supposed to be. Higher to the point that I could have interviewed and been in upper division maybe even last year. Like...started my Senior 1 last semester and be graduating this semester.
Instead...I missed the August Upper Division Interview, and will not start Senior 1 until next semester after the October interview, and won't start my Internship until next Fall putting me at ECU for two more semesters than necessary.
Am I frustrated?
Very.
Did I cry?
A lot.
Do I blame ECU?
YES.
Should I forgive them?
Yes...
The anger, and the resentment, and the frustration, and the unfair feeling I've had...will go away. Has already started to go away...and I know that God has me at ECU and will use me in some amazing ways.
It's just that I have fought this feeling of embarrassment of even having to be here this long. Fighting the questions of why I'm still here. And all I can say is God has me here...but there's still a jealousy of people who have graduated. That will graduate before me. I still feel like I worked too hard in my life to still be trying to get my Undergrad degree.
So blog readers, I guess I ask for your prayers? I need to find a contentment in this situation. I need to find a peace with it all. And I need to accept that this is where I am despite errors. Because people are human. People will fail me. Have failed me. Will continue to fail me. But God never has and never will.
1 comment:
I understand some of that frustration, and probably you have wanted to scream at many points over it.
Grade wise myself, I've been seeking to do better than enough to get by. I've several classes were I received D's that could have been B's had I applied myself.
My waking up point came when one professor told me "I don't believe I saw your best work this semester."
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