Lord I'm AMAZED by you

You dance over me 
While I am unaware
You sing all around 
But I never hear a sound.

Lord, I'm amazed by You!
Lord, I'm amazed by You!
Lord, I'm amazed by You, 
how You love me!

How wide, 
How deep, 
How great is Your love for me!


I keep hearing this song. I have it on my iPOD and I always have my iPOD on shuffle, but yesterday it played more than once while my iPOD was on shuffle, and today it just played on Pandora. 
It seems to be a simple reminder of God and His love for me. How He's always there, even when I don't notice. He dances over me, sings around me, and I don't hear Him. 
I'm AMAZED by my God's love for me, even when I choose to be grumpy and ill. 
This weekend after finding out everything with school I pretty much stayed in a pretty ill mood. I did enjoy time with my family. I enjoyed going to homecoming at church, and I always enjoy seeing my nieces and nephew, but I was still pretty bitter. I have been emotionally exhausted since Thursday. 
It took everything in me to come back to Greenville this week because I'm so mad at ECU and so sick of being in school. 
I'm still in a very drained, almost apathetic state. I don't want to be at school and part of me is having a hard time caring about school anymore. I feel like all my effort is gone. 
But then I remember how GREAT my Father's love for me. I remember how He knows ALL things and how even before Thursday when I got that email He knew that I was going to get that email. He knew five years ago that I wouldn't finish school in four years. He KNEW that I'd have this struggle, and yet I still get ill. 
Because I want to know why. I want God to tell me WHY He has me in school this long and why I have to feel like a failure. 
But I'm not a failure. I'm God's. And that makes me someone who Succeeds because I have Jesus. And I can't know all the answers. This isn't the worst thing that could happen to me. This probably isn't the worst thing that WILL happen to me. I've seen worse in my life. But I'm drained. 
Please pray for strength. And for a desire to finish school. Pray for me to remember why I'm here. Pray that I will be HAPPY to be here because God has a reason for it. Pray for my heart to feel joy even when I'm frustrated.