The past few months I've been learning from a great friend of mine how to have "expectationless expectations". Basically saying to go into everything realzing that...I may have expectations but not to get let down--then I won't get hurt. To just go into every situation with an open mind.
It's a harder concept than I thought it would be. I say that in the sense that...it's changed me a lot...by having expectationless expectations I'm able to live my life more and not focus on old friends...or old relationships. I'm able to love myself the way I'm supposed to love myself. The way God has called me to love myself. I can't exactly say it's always easy. Last night I really struggled with it. I'm realizing how hard it is for me to be around friends who I used to be better friends with. It's hard for me to be around friends who know a lot about me...and who Did a lot for me. However I also am learning that intentions behind actions aren't always what they seem.
I'm learning who I need to trust. Right now I have a couple of people who I really trust with my heart. Above all I trust my heart to God--He knows who I am...He knows everything about me, and yet he still rescues me and loves me despite any faults I might have. I'm learning that I can have friends who I can hang out with and enjoy my time with without them knowing everything about me...But I'm also learning how to surrender to myself in certain circumstances. I'm learning all of this through one of God's greatest servants, and one of my greatest friends. I'm excited to see how God's going to use me this coming school year...He's changing me each day--and I know He's going to rock my world in a big way. I'm grateful for the new relationships that have come out of old circumstances...and I'm blessed beyond belief.
Expectationless expectations...sometimes hard, but so far always worth it.
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