It's okay to ask why

"And though down here, I may not understand, I wont let go of the Unseen Hand For it holds the reasons why. The Lord has never been afraid of honest prayers And He won't allow the burden to be more than you can bear. When He knows that your trust is in Him He doesn't mind the questions now and then. Even if you wonder Why, Do the rainy days have to come, When the storm clouds hide the sun. I wanna know why Why When the reasons aren't clear to me When it all is a mystery I want to know why."


This is an old song I used to listen to when I was in middle school. It was always a comfort to me in the really hard times. Now, I feel it's an appropriate comfort. 
The past few days it seems like some really "bad" stuff has been happening. Not just in my life, but around the globe. The oil spill has been going on for a while. Lives are being lost. Not just lives but young lives. Infant lives. Lives that haven't even begun to be lived. Lives are coming to an end. But then other lives are being created and born. 
As Christians I think we fathom it as a sin to ever ask questions. 
We think if we question God, we are lacking faith. 
In reality it's the questions that make our faith stronger. 
God never promised life would be easy. He never said "I died for you now go live your harmonious life". He did say our burdens will never be too much for us to bear. Sometimes I have to wonder why I can't be weaker because then my burden would be less. But if I were weaker the burden would sometimes still feel like too much. 
Life sometimes just sucks. I've been saying that a lot lately. Things have just sucked. And I've felt bad for being in a crummy mood. I've felt bad for feeling like life has been hard. But what's been going on in my life is hard to me. It may not be an oil spill, or death, but it still hurts my heart. And it's still okay to ask why. 
It's okay to take things and process them. Processing may require the questions and the tears and the anger and the hurt. But then...God stands waiting with arms wide open. 
For the past 12 days God has been standing arms wide open for me. And it took me until today to really say "Okay God, here I am. Hold me". It took until today for me to really allow healing to begin. 
Healing has begun. My questions have been asked and now some have been answered. Some haven't and probably won't be. But God is holding me tight. He loves me. He has wiped away the tears and He has said "be still my child". 
Life is good. Even when it hurts. Things suck sometimes. Situations really suck sometimes. But it's TRULY OKAY to ask why. 

Faith to Believe...

"Give me all the love and peace To end these wars. Give me something sacred, Something worth fighting for.
It's clear enough to me, The ugliness I see, Is evidence of who I need.
Give me an answer Give me the way out Give me the faith To believe in these hard times"

I've been home now for a week and a half...and I can't help but smile and praise my Father. Sure, things have been really hard. There have still been shed tears. I still have questions as to what God is doing in my life...but in the midst of the tears and the questions there is a calmness that has over taken my soul. 

I am so excited to see how God is going to continue to work. 

Wednesday morning I woke up and drove to Greenville where I had breakfast with two very important people in my life. The two women's ministry assistants of our Campus Ministry. One of them is moving back to her home in Indiana in a couple of weeks, and then to serve our Father in Africa indefinitely starting in March. When I left a month ago I saw her and cried because in my head it was the last time I would see her for a really long time. Now, I rejoice because not only did I get to see her but I got to receive a super huge hug that she'd been waiting to give me for a couple of weeks now =). It was wonderful to sit over coffee and talk with her and the other women's minister as we spoke of the Lord's will in all of this situation. 

We talked about what God has been doing in their lives, and how He taught them while in Dearbourn, MI last week. We talked of what I'm learning in the current circumstances...and we prayed together as sisters. It was a moment of unity, and a moment of peace. 

From there I drove to Myrtle Beach where I spent time with the Summershiners there. It was great to spend time with them, and see how God is moving on that campground. I prayed before I left that it was a good decision to go. I believe part of me really just wanted to get away, and the other part heard God say it's okay. But God also knew that in the midst of the fun my heart would hurt because I am done with Summershine for the summer. 

In the midst of my heart hurting I was able to have a conversation with one of the Myrtle Beach Summershiners that was really encouraging and very helpful to the current situation. God was able to use someone I don't know very well to show me that HE can and will work in all things. All things work together for the glory of God. He was able to show me that even strangers deal with the same situations. The summershiner I spoke with was able to learn compassion for a family member because of a similar situation. 

Things are working together. God is doing great things. In the midst of heartache, there is healing. It may seem as though life is getting in the way, but God never has obstacles. 

I have had very encouraging conversations. I have had struggles because of other conversations. But my heart has been open to God's voice. My ears are listening...and I'm ready for the healing to begin...no matter how much it may hurt for the callouses to be open. 

So I ask my readers (whoever you may be) to be in prayer. 

That is all =)